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Coming Soon - Rorys Column. |
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It will not be long before we finish constructing a cage strong enough to hold Rory in for an extended period of time, and once we do! ... we will have him here for your scrutiny and questioning. Any nagging thoughts you have about life, society, or dog biscuits? Rory's your man. Or is he? we can't tell. Perhaps he is the embodiment of pondering.... perhaps he has come to us from beyond to set straight that which has become twisted. It could just be that his rantings are actually pearls of wisdom in a dialect so advanced we struggle to fully understand it. The point, however, is that soon Rory's column will become active. thank you. |
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25/09/2001: Halleluja Brothers. The cage has been finished! The great beast has been contained behind bars of electified, reinforced steel. Hear him roar. See him attack the bars. Watch him sizzle. Hear him wimper. The lucidity drugs that are not being tested even as we speak will soon be put into practice. RORY SHALL BE SEMI-SANE. Now brothers and sisters...REJOICE for Rory's column is moving from the realm of fiction into that place that makes little sense called REALITY. Just a few more days friends and the beast we call Rory shall be subdeud and pacified. Sadly the experimenting didn't go as planned. It has put Rory into a comatose state that he is not likely to recover from soon and even if he does who knows what it has done to his pshyche. But even so he is a staff member and we will continue to pay his outrageous hospital bills. |
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25/09/2002 (Don't ask. It has to do with future participles and no-one really knows what those are anyway.) Alas. After exactly one year Rory has awakened from his comatose slumber and spoken the first words of sense that anyone has ever heard him utter, "Uhhhhh. m'head" Shortly after his reawakening Rory has been spirited from his bed to his cage. YOU, yes YOU the loyal reader can email him at thedrunk@thepub.co.za Feel free to ask him anything that bothers your little mind and if its good we might just put it up here with the rest of our masterpieces. 28/09/2002: Day three of Rory's column and still no email from our so called fans. Why do we bother with this website if noone pays attention to us. Why? Why? (sob) Today we had to put Rory on a mixture of anti-depressants and cough syrup. I don't know why we did it, it seemed like a good idea at the time. If noone emails poor little Rory shortly we will have to make some kind of notice board to pin you basterds up on. 1/10/2002: Got first email today. Sadly it was from Phil. To anyone who reads this page, I'm dissapointed in you. Well this is Phils email as i received it: "it works you fatass faggot. all right? it works. go sodomise a turkey, you vial of corossive anal acid.
Not a happy email. Need i comment on it? NO. Until you lazy assed basterds send Rory something worth while I refuse to work on this page anymore. Maybe Rory will work on it but do you really want that to happen. Email Rory with the answer. 5/10/2002: Found a board to pin you bastards up on. Don't know how to get the damn thing to work though. Life's hard. Still got no email from the caring fans, maybe the comic should actually be released before we expect any hardcore fanatacism. Face="Verdana">21/01/2003SuperHamster has been reborn. Gone are the days of dark humor and swearing. The new year has ushered in an age of rage and sardonic sarcasm. I truly apologise on behalf of Rory for keeping the psuedo-fans out there from reading any updates but that little child prostitute Bernhard hasn't added any of my many uni-updates! I have thus wrangled a report or something similar from the staff here at ShHQ. So without further ado here is something..... The Staff Interview FormIn your free time do you : a) Look after small children. b) Sodomise small children. c) Stalk small children. d) Eat yoghurt. (Rory and Phil) (Bernard refused to answer this question as he felt his cover in the S.C.P.L [small children prostitution league] would be blown.) When confronted by a crazy robber with a gun do you : a) Offer him a small child. (Berns) b) Offer him you money. c) Kick him and run.(Phil and Rory) d) Sodomise him. (Phil wanted to both but he could only choose one) If you lost your suitcase in an airport what possession would you grieve over most: a) Clothes b) Vacuum packed small child(Berns) c) Tazer (Rory) d) Replica of a 1920 funny shaped beaver competition winner. (Phil) In no more than 6 words describe you toenails. Phil : I’d like some more coffee. Rory : Sharp and hairy. Berns: Equipped with child proof edges. Weeeelll... That told us more about Berns than we needed to know. I wonder what he will do when he finds out I put it on the site. (Sometime in February) Them basterds have doen rthis for the last tiemr! It has come time fore BErnard tor DIE!!@ Joinjm me now in this new revolution and help me kill thebat!! (Sometime later in February)THe time has passed to kill thebat. INsanity has returned to most S>H>H>Q>. Keep posted for further information on when it will be time to kill thebat. Hunting season starts soon. (Sometime even later in February)Time for fry pie salmon route time.
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